0–9 months – See this age across all domains Infants

What educators might observe

• Smiles when they see a smiling face, especially a familiar one
• Reacts when someone is sad or upset; this reaction may include startling, eye contact, or becoming upset themselves
• Observes other’s faces for clues about how they should feel

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Show authentic emotional responses to situations
• Respond quickly and lovingly to child
• Notice when children are uncomfortable and provide reassurance
• Name emotions (e.g., happy, sad, mad, scared, excited, etc.)

8–16 months – See this age across all domains Infants

What educators might observe

• Looks to educator to gauge their response to a new person or situation
• Pats and strokes others who are distressed
• Shows guilt when they harm someone or do something forbidden
• Distinguishes between kind and cruel actions
• Stays nearby and quietly watches a child who is upset

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Talk to families about how empathy is expressed in their culture and community
• Suggest how children can show empathy; encourage the child to offer a tissue, comfort item, or pat on the back to family members or friends who may be feeling hurt or sad

15–24 months – See this age across all domains Toddlers

What educators might observe

• Uses known strategies to try to help other children who are upset or sad (e.g., brings a crying friend to the educator)
• Notices and disapproves of unfair (unequal) distribution of desired objects
• Attempts to help with a perceived need, (e.g., opens a cabinet for someone whose hands are full)
• Wants to see good actions rewarded and bad actions punished

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Acknowledge acts of kindness (“You helped Frannie find her shoes.” “Thank you! That hug really helped to make Josie feel better.”)
• Model empathy (“Bill was tired. I could tell because he was crying, so with your help, we went and got his blanket that he sleeps with. This made him feel better, and he has stopped crying.”)

24–36 months – See this age across all domains Toddlers

What educators might observe

• Understands that people have beliefs that are not true
• Understands that just as they have thoughts, feelings, and goals, other people have thoughts, feelings, and goals too
• Begins to understand that not everyone likes the same things
• Assigns feelings to dolls or toys and cares for them

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Provide pets for the children to observe and care for (“I wonder if our fish is feeling hungry?”)
• Empathize with the child (“I know it’s hard to wait for a turn.”)
• Rethink the use of ‘I’m sorry,” as children may not know what this means; instead describe children’s feelings (“Look at Sheila. She’s sad. She’s crying. She’s holding her arm where you pushed her. Let’s see if she’s ok.”)

3-year-olds – See this age across all domains Preschool

What educators might observe

• Tells an adult when another child does something unkind or unfair
• Is more likely to help someone who has previously helped someone else and is less likely to help someone who has been unkind to someone else
• Adopts a variety of roles and feelings during pretend play
• Identifies and responds to the feelings and experiences of the characters in stories

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Validate child’s feelings (“You’re sad. I would feel sad if I lost my teddy bear too.”)
• Read books about feelings and discuss character’s feelings, asking such questions as, “How would you feel if that happened?”
• Demonstrate how to ask for and understand the viewpoints and opinions of others (“Tell me how you feel about that.”)
• Use pretend play to help children develop understanding of others’ feelings (“The hippo’s mommy is going to work. How does baby hippo feel?”)
• Teach children that feelings change; help them reflect on how they felt earlier in the day and how they feel now

4-year-olds – See this age across all domains Preschool

What educators might observe

• Expresses how another child might feel (e.g., “I think Tanya is sad because she is crying.”)
• Shows concern about fairness within peer group
• Develops awareness that some racial, cultural, gender, and linguistic identities are unfairly valued more than others in society

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Assist children in acknowledging and understanding how a peer is feeling by pointing out facial expressions, voice, tone, body language, or words the child is using
• Use “I” statements to teach children self-awareness (“I don’t like it when you ignore me. It makes me feel sad.”)
• Using an anti-bias approach, introduce critical thinking (true/not true, fair/not fair) about pervasive stereotypes
• Put a seed in a jar every time a child practices an act of kindness and plant a kindness garden when the jar is full

5-year-olds – See this age across all domains Preschool

What educators might observe

• Begins to recognize how own actions affect others
• Listens to viewpoints of others
• Offers support to another child or shows concern when a peer is upset (e.g., “I see you’re sad. Do you want to play with me?”)
• Develops their own theories about social inequities (e.g., why some groups of people tend to have more money and decision-making power than others)

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Acknowledge children’s ability to practice empathy (“I saw how you let Diego have the markers when he was upset. I bet you wanted the markers too, but you chose to help a friend.”)
• Throughout the year, talk to children about past and present injustices and social justice movements
• When children notice injustice in their classroom or community, engage them in group action to try to make things fairer
• Read books about kindness
  • The Last Stop on Market Street , by Matt de la Peña,
  • The Lion and the Mouse, by Jerry Pinkney
  • The Big Umbrella , by Amy June Bates

6-year-olds – See this age across all domains Early elementary

What educators might observe

• Dislikes being at a relative disadvantage to others (e.g., would rather that nobody got cookies, then that their friend got two and they got one)
• Does not object to being at a relative advantage to others (e.g., does not advocate for fairness when they get three cookies and their peer gets one)
• Notices and describes social inequities

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Observe that life seems easier for some people and harder for others, and explore with children the reasons for these inequities; teach that inequities are not a consequence of anything that marginalized people did wrong
• Teach children to show compassion and support for their peers
• Assume children’s good intentions
• When children come to educator with an interpersonal conflict, ask them to start resolving it by first trying to imagine and articulate how the other party feels, and then invite them to articulate to each other how they really feel

7-year-olds – See this age across all domains Early elementary

What educators might observe

• Stands up for others when they encounter unfairness
• Feels strongly about equality of outcome
• Understands that people think about what others are thinking or feeling (e.g., says, “He invited her to the party because he didn’t want her to feel left out.”)

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Read books about kindness:
  • Each Kindness , by Jacqueline Woodson
  • Under the Lemon Moon , by Edith Hope Fine
  • The Quiltmaker’s Gift , by Jeff Brumbeau
  • Those Shoes , by Maribeth Boelts
  • One Green Apple , by Eve Bunting
  • The Invisible Boy , by Trudy Ludwig
• Use empathic group problem solving (“Our friend is having a hard time. Can anyone think of a way to help?”)
• Work on perspective-taking in interpersonal interaction (“If she did to you what you did to her, how would you feel? What would you want her to do?”)

8-year-olds – See this age across all domains Early elementary

What educators might observe

• Uses previous experiences when interpreting another person’s feelings (e.g., notices a child playing alone on the playground and invites them to play)
• Observes and determines reactions of others when responding (e.g., The child remembers that their friend likes to be alone when they are frustrated and waits for them to calm down before approaching)

Ways educators might support the child's development

• Use shared reading to develop perspective-taking, asking, for example, “How would you help this character when they are feeling so worried?”
• Provide opportunities for children to take meaningful action to address social inequity in their community
• Offer children structured contexts in which to identify, practice, and receive empathy
  • Play a “jump in” theater game in which two characters act out a conflict and anyone is welcome to “jump in” as a third character to offer empathy to either or both parties if they see a way to help resolve the conflict